Health and Happy Relationships
Happy New Year!
As a doctor I am here to cure wherever possible but also to do my best to alleviate pain and suffering of any kind. Over the years I have seen many people in physical pain and a combination of holistic and conventional medicine has proved useful in reducing many different types of pain.
Practising whole person medicine requires you to consider all aspects of a patient’s life and 30 years of having these sorts of conversations with my patients has taught me that a huge area of pain and suffering in people’s lives occur in the arena of human relationships. It will come as no surprise that unsatisfactory and unsatisfying relationships between men and women; men and men; and women and women are often the cause of a lot of pain and suffering.
So is this any business of a doctor? Well I think it is – especially when I am keen on alleviating emotional suffering which impacts on general health and well-being. Seeing a person bloom as a result of developing a healthy or healthier relationship, is one of the most rewarding things I ever experience in medical practice. It is such a boon to health that it simply cannot be ignored medically.
So many people become disappointed and perhaps give up on relationships. I believe with a bit of psychological work, one can very often find or develop a fulfilling relationship.
There seem to be two main scenarios regarding unhappiness in relationships:
A) Specific problems or disappointments in your current relationship.
B) The problem of being single – yet yearning to be in a happy relationship.
The approach I use is based on Provocative Therapy which is a fast-track approach to identify how you may be sabotaging an existing relationship (or why you don’t have a partner) and to find better relationship strategies. I have found that just four sessions of Provocative Relationship Coaching can very often provoke you to change your behaviour so that you become much more likely either to improve an existing relationship or actually find a partner with which to have a loving relationship.
The Method of Provocative Coaching:
It’s quite straightforward.
If you are in a relationship that is unfulfilling or are single and yearn to be in a fulfilling relationship, it is often the case that your behavioural patterns are not serving you well and need to be changed.
External helpful advice can be useful but the real catalyst for behavioural change needs to be prescribed from within. Nobody can really tell you what you need to do and people often do not appreciate advice which can come across as patronizing and condescending.
Provocative Coaching provokes you to ‘get your Inner Joke’ the funny side about how you are hanging on to behavioural patterns that just are not working for you. When you see your own behaviour patterns as mirrored to you via the process, and see them packaged as absurd obstacles to getting what you want, you may well laugh. This laughter, or getting your inner joke is usually the catalyst for behavioural change. When you see, through the absurd filters, that your behaviour is the biggest obstacle to you being in a happy relationship, it becomes very difficult to continue with that behaviour!
At that point you tend to prescribe new behavioural patterns for yourself. As these come from within, they are owned by you and therefore much more likely to be carried out in real life.
A) Provocative Coaching for Couples:
Consisting of three one hour sessions close together (ideally a week apart) and then a follow up session 3 weeks later.
After receiving permission to say absurd provocative things (in the style of Provocative Therapy) to either of you, I sit between the two of you and we have a curious and amusing conversation. The aim is to identify the sabotaging behaviours which may be lampooned, but not mocked, and to engage in some reality-testing.. You may find yourself laughing at many of your problems as a couple. This doesn’t mean that every couple will be provoked to ‘live happily ever after’ but in my experience many, many couples find themselves rapidly provoked to do the right thing for them. In my experience, issues regarding money, sex, the children and the in-laws are particularly rewarding to treat with this sort of approach.
Audio or video recording is not essential but is often very useful as you can take the conversation home to provoke you (positively!) even more.
B) Provocative Coaching for People seeking a Partner:
Single people often don’t get much attention from the medical profession and yet many singles would prefer to be partnered. There may be many big and small reasons why you have not found your mate and this fast-track personal development process can kick-start a whole new adventure.
In my experience many singles can be provoked with humour and reverse psychology into changing their behaviour so that their chances of finding a mate are vastly improved. In many cases three one hour sessions of Provocative Coaching and one follow up session can often do the job.
Of course I cannot promise anything but the results I have seen since I started working with singles have been very encouraging. I have found this particular work to be the most rewarding in my job as a doctor.
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Comments
Hi Ruth,
Yes I totally agree with you. Love is the answer – as many have sung and more know intuitively. Nevertheless your point about marrying money is also valid. As many a wise (but poor) mother has said to a beautiful daughter: ‘It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is with a poor one!’
Doc,
Nice points indeed, and an excellent explanation of some aspects of Provocative Therapy! In my opinion, based on many observations with dying patients and others, when The Great Accounting occurs, reflections will inevitably try and answer the question:”Have I come to know, nurture and cherish love?” Relative to this, factors such as financial success, career success, material possessions, etc., rarely enter the picture. Good memories emanate mainly from the relationships we have enjoyed in life. Assuming this is true (and there is no reason to doubt it), you are performing a great service. How many maladies are associated with loneliness/paucity of relationship?
HOWEVER, given today’s realities, I would strongly urge that you consider persuading your patients to ‘marry money’.
Fortune Hunters and Gold Diggers do follow viable survival models, and can then learn to love…given enough time… ;^)
Regards from THE usa!,
Ruth